BEIRUT – A demolition in the ancient city of Hebron, south of Jerusalem, unearthed an ancient journal that will no doubt change life as we know it. After weeks of scrutinizing research, scientists are certain that the found travel log was kept by a town leader.
The date on the document clearly defines the time period from June 30th to July 14th,, 0 A.D. Israeli archeologist, Amos Garfinkel, scientifically authorized the tattered papyrus and had this to say: “This magnificently preserved document comes from one of the so-called ‘wise men’ who witnessed first hand the birth of Jesus Christ, but the dates are different from what was once seen as truth.”
For millennia, followers of the Christian faith have celebrated the birth of Jesus on December 25th, and previous claims were certain that Jesus’ birthday was on or around that day of the year.
But this latest discovery has religious leaders and retailers alike scrambling to prepare for the new date. Vatican spokesman, Biagio Tamarazzo, commented, “Pope Francis is determined to follow through with the old Christmas Day this year, but will now acknowledge a July 2nd Christmas.”
The pope has declared the new day of Christ’s birth to be July 2nd based on these new findings, but also wants to continue honoring December 25th. He proposes a two Christmas model.
National Retail Federation spokesman, Tim Demeyer, also commented:
“Retailers see this as a great economic opportunity as this year there will be two Christmases, Dec. 25th and July 2nd. We really hope that Christians will adopt two Christmases every year. It will bolster our retailer’s revenue and help the U.S. economy grow. What a great discovery.”